It's time that someone dispels what the "Ideal Marriage" really looks like, so all the people who feel like they are falling far from the "mark" can finally get some relief...

I can't tell you how many times I'll be working with individuals who discuss their romantic partnership with me or couples that discuss their expectations for their relationship, and I hear Hollywood movie scenes informing how they believe their relationship "should" work. There is no "destination" for a relationship, where you finally arrive and suddenly experience all the love, trust, connection and intimacy you have ever craved (though ironically that is often felt in the very beginning of a relationship, called "limerence," which is not designed to last forever). For example, I often hear subtle references made for a person believing that they will finally experience true happiness "when we finally get there..." Rather, "there" is fleeting. It is NOT a permanent state. "There" may be sprinkled in a relationship/marriage occasionally, which feels AMAZING. But the rest of the time it may just feel okay or good. And there's also times when it's not great. And sometimes it may feel lonely or distant. 

The goal of creating a healthy relationship is that those times that are less satisfying tend to be far less frequent than the times of connection, but please know they can still pop up from time to time. People need to realize that even the best of relationships will need work here and there. I often hear people compare their own relationship to something they see amongst their friends or family. However, I am quick to remind people that NO ONE knows what really goes on inside a relationship except the couple themselves behind closed doors. 

I just want people to know that an intimate relationship is something that is very dynamic...Every day will be different; It will hit peaks, as well as valleys. It will likely bring great joy and connection, as well as bring pain and hurt feelings. This all goes into the mix of what one experiences in a long-term committed relationship. I encourage everyone to try and evaluate their relationship happiness with realistic expectations. Remember, everything you focus on that your partner is not doing, you must ALSO ask yourself if you are meeting those same wants/desires in your partner?  It's great to get the help of trained couple therapist who can help you enhance the skills and traits that help relationships thrive. It's also great to cut yourself some slack when evaluating your own relationship, imagining that the grass is greener on the other side...It's unlikely. I encourage you to work with what you have and make it as fulfilling as possible. Then decide after that if it's worth keeping...