So often people fantasize about being in a relationship, with the underlying belief that once I find "that" person or once I'm in a romantic relationship, I will no longer be LONELY. Typically, the excitement of a new relationship often fills the hole of loneliness. However, what I've seen over time is that many couples fall into relationship RUTS and lose that intense sense of connection they experienced in the beginning. Although that original infatuation/limerence experience is not able to be recreated, a solid connection developed over time is very fulfilling and satisfying. Yet, without deliberate intention of maintaining intimacy, so many couples LOSE connection over time and just start going through the motions. 

That feeling of being in a relationship but feeling unseen or unheard can generate a deeply painful experience of loneliness. I believe that it can feel WORSE to be in a relationship and feel lonely than to be single and feel lonely...b/c when you're single you still believe when you meet the "right" person you will no longer feel this way; however, when you're in a relationship and feel lonely, it's then compounded by feeling like a failure, triggering beliefs that you're not worthy of love or that you are doing it all wrong...

If this is you and you are struggling feeling alone in your relationship, just know that things can change! It will require vulnerability and honesty to open up to your partner and share what your experience is currently like being with him/her. Unfortunately, most people don't feel safe enough to take the risks required and have those delicate conversations. Usually, people are afraid of hurting their partner or afraid of feeling attacked if they open up in case the partner becomes defensive. This type of dynamic can be easily addressed with the help of a professional marriage/couple therapist. There needs to be a sense of emotional safety established before these more challenging conversations can occur successfully. Maybe it's time to invest in your relationship in order to stop feeling so lonely and finally get reconnected to your partner again? The risk is often worth the reward!