I've been seeing couples for 25 years. One of the most repeated things I've observed over that time is the devastation that comes along with infidelity. It is a pain that is indescribable and can leave a person feeling completely annihilated emotionally. So much focus and attention often is placed on the betrayal made by the partner stepping out of the relationship, which IS excruciatingly painful; however, in my opinion, not enough time is spent on the worst betrayal of all...it's with yourself!
The problem with infidelity is that what you once believed to be true has now been exposed as being a lie. The life that you constructed with your partner is no longer able to be viewed objectively as it once was before the affair. Your world has been completely turned upside down. As a result, your brain will begin working overtime to fill in all the blanks of things you never considered before, reconstructing timelines that you once took for granted, etc. It's the way the brain tries to create a coherent narrative, as it is sorting through the trauma of this relational experience.
What I like to help people work on in their healing journey, whether they choose to stay with their partner or to leave, is to reconnect with that inner voice inside that is always trying to guide and direct you. Many would call that your intuition or your "gut." When I help people go back in time and reevaluate what led them to this painful discovery, if they are honest with themselves, they will often recall having a small pang or a gentle nudge inside at some point that something was "off" but it was quickly dismissed because it was too painful to consider.
THAT dismissal of your inner guidance is the WORST betrayal of all! Because after you start to do that, you no longer believe you can trust yourself. That leaves you feeling COMPLETELY vulnerable and helpless, unable to look out for yourself going forward. However, by going back in time and recalling each and every time you DID get a gentle inner tap to wake you up to the situation, it begins to build your confidence that you will ALWAYS get information to guide your life if you're willing to quiet yourself and listen. We all have intuition to help protect us and make good decisions...it's critical to TUNE IN!
Once a person is able to fully trust that they will be able to discern that gentle prodding inside, it helps them feel much more equipped to risk opening their heart again. More times than not, you will be able to trust that "gut knowing," and will never ignore it again. Although infidelity can rock your world upside down, it can also serve as an enormous catalyst of growth for yourself, along for the relationship, if both are committed to doing the work....
Spend time each day going inward and pay attention to the inner guidance you are receiving...it is ALWAYS worth listening to and can change your life!